Post by darkheart on Jan 18, 2021 19:37:17 GMT -5
Puma -
Our time together will have portrayed me as a great many things, but you should know that I have valued it regardless.
Your grief over Nihilano's death at your hand has been hard to watch, though I am glad that you have found a semblance of a balance in the time since.
When I first came to you in the days after, I know that my face troubled you and eased you at the same time, even as your beauty was a comfort to my
endless loneliness. When first I offered to help raise Mia and Nathan, I remember how terribly conflicted you were, even as I was uncertain we could hold
the truth from them until they were at a more manageable age for you to raise them yourself. I know, too, that my departure was hard on you all once more,
but it was necessary as I am not your mate nor their father, and as the age of reason came to them they would have questions we could not answer.
You must wonder, then, why it is that I am writing you after this time. Clearly it is not to reminisce. I would say that I do not want to cause you pain,
and yet I know that my words will inevitably do so. And yet I feel an unconquerable feeling that I thought I might assuage when first I died my hair and
took on your husband's life. I fear it has not done so, and thus my guild pervades. So I write this now that you might know the truth of things.
As youngest to our Father, Illereas, Nihilano was bound in duty and his own personal honor to defend me. As the shield of our family, he spent his life
covering for my indiscretions, something I took advantage of. Given my nature, I am not in any place or time too long. A curse, though it may be, I have
often used it as an excuse to justify my actions and, on occasion I have taken on Nihilano's life, often at cost to him. I think he feels compassion
for me, though he does not seem the type, and he has allowed it and cleaned up the mess all too often. It was less costly when we were younger,
as the indiscretions of youth are credited to that youth, and while punishments from Illereas were often severe, they were not lasting.
However, as we grew I craved more intimate connections. Knowledge of existence was guarded by Nihilano at Illereas' command for many reasons,
When we first met, you did not know me, though I had met you several times in my life already. In truth, I was jealous of Nihilano's connection
to you and the ferocity of your mutual passion. It started with a few stolen kisses from you as I pretended to be him, but in time I knew
That you could sense it was not your love, in spite of my clever ruses. Leaving you be, I sought to use his reknown in the Nexus you frequented,
taking for myself a woman or two that favored him. It was I that lay with those you accused him of engaging in infidelity with, and I who warned him
of his oath to keep it secret. I had thought to be delicate and secretive enough to keep it from you, but you are far more perceptive and clever than
I gave you credit for.
In the end, keeping to his Oath, he took ownership of my actions at the cost of your wrath. He was always secretively soft hearted, and would not abandon
me to death at your hand. He went to you, then, hoping he would persuade you to forgive him and regain a balance with you until he could reveal the truth
in the future I had seen. Instead you tore his heart from his chest as literally as I had done figuratively from yours. It was for this reason I made myself
known to you and offered to raise the children for a time in his stead.
I cannot imagine your animosity towards me at the reading of these words. My only offering is that I have come to know a truth from the future to help you now.
I have secretly contacted Nathan with coordinates to one of Nihilano's old laboratories and left recordings under the guise of Nihilano to lead them to a place
where, at great risk to themselves, they may seek to recover him with the help of Nathan's beloved. Should they choose to help him, aid them. It was not your
Nihilano who broke the bonds of your marriage, even though he was beholden to lie about it.
I know this cannot remove the pain I have caused your family, but I hope that it can offer you a chance at the life I have stolen from you.
I will see you again in my past and your future. Be well until then.
~A
Our time together will have portrayed me as a great many things, but you should know that I have valued it regardless.
Your grief over Nihilano's death at your hand has been hard to watch, though I am glad that you have found a semblance of a balance in the time since.
When I first came to you in the days after, I know that my face troubled you and eased you at the same time, even as your beauty was a comfort to my
endless loneliness. When first I offered to help raise Mia and Nathan, I remember how terribly conflicted you were, even as I was uncertain we could hold
the truth from them until they were at a more manageable age for you to raise them yourself. I know, too, that my departure was hard on you all once more,
but it was necessary as I am not your mate nor their father, and as the age of reason came to them they would have questions we could not answer.
You must wonder, then, why it is that I am writing you after this time. Clearly it is not to reminisce. I would say that I do not want to cause you pain,
and yet I know that my words will inevitably do so. And yet I feel an unconquerable feeling that I thought I might assuage when first I died my hair and
took on your husband's life. I fear it has not done so, and thus my guild pervades. So I write this now that you might know the truth of things.
As youngest to our Father, Illereas, Nihilano was bound in duty and his own personal honor to defend me. As the shield of our family, he spent his life
covering for my indiscretions, something I took advantage of. Given my nature, I am not in any place or time too long. A curse, though it may be, I have
often used it as an excuse to justify my actions and, on occasion I have taken on Nihilano's life, often at cost to him. I think he feels compassion
for me, though he does not seem the type, and he has allowed it and cleaned up the mess all too often. It was less costly when we were younger,
as the indiscretions of youth are credited to that youth, and while punishments from Illereas were often severe, they were not lasting.
However, as we grew I craved more intimate connections. Knowledge of existence was guarded by Nihilano at Illereas' command for many reasons,
When we first met, you did not know me, though I had met you several times in my life already. In truth, I was jealous of Nihilano's connection
to you and the ferocity of your mutual passion. It started with a few stolen kisses from you as I pretended to be him, but in time I knew
That you could sense it was not your love, in spite of my clever ruses. Leaving you be, I sought to use his reknown in the Nexus you frequented,
taking for myself a woman or two that favored him. It was I that lay with those you accused him of engaging in infidelity with, and I who warned him
of his oath to keep it secret. I had thought to be delicate and secretive enough to keep it from you, but you are far more perceptive and clever than
I gave you credit for.
In the end, keeping to his Oath, he took ownership of my actions at the cost of your wrath. He was always secretively soft hearted, and would not abandon
me to death at your hand. He went to you, then, hoping he would persuade you to forgive him and regain a balance with you until he could reveal the truth
in the future I had seen. Instead you tore his heart from his chest as literally as I had done figuratively from yours. It was for this reason I made myself
known to you and offered to raise the children for a time in his stead.
I cannot imagine your animosity towards me at the reading of these words. My only offering is that I have come to know a truth from the future to help you now.
I have secretly contacted Nathan with coordinates to one of Nihilano's old laboratories and left recordings under the guise of Nihilano to lead them to a place
where, at great risk to themselves, they may seek to recover him with the help of Nathan's beloved. Should they choose to help him, aid them. It was not your
Nihilano who broke the bonds of your marriage, even though he was beholden to lie about it.
I know this cannot remove the pain I have caused your family, but I hope that it can offer you a chance at the life I have stolen from you.
I will see you again in my past and your future. Be well until then.
~A