Reference - Rift McCarrion's Pocket Guide of the Underworld.

[Darkrift (Homunculus)]

Author's note: This guide was written for the eyes of the immortal. Any mortal that gains knowledge of the existence of an afterlife, and manages to reach any part of it will have their soul snuffed out by a hungry demon in all likelihood. They don't like strays, to put it another way. Anyways, addressing the intended audience only: if you were ever wondering what hell was actually like, I will give you a brief description. If you go there, by all means, take a handbasket, and bring a towel, for heaven's sake.

The Nine Circles of Hell. (According to Rift McCarrion)

To begin, the Underworld is not a truly physical place. Immortal beings such as demons, demigods, inorganics, minor gods, the undead, and the cursed will be able to keep their bodies intact here, but anyone who does not have life eternal see their bodily functions and souls to be processed as it is deemed (unless they have mystical protections in place). I didn't mention angels, because once they cross the threshold, they are pretty much demons at that point. Does this give immortals free passage to roam the underworld as they please? Hell no. Demons can be territorial, if you go poking around a vat of liquid fire, don't be surprised if you have to spend a few decades of trying to climb out of that very vat. Not fun. Demons know they can't kill you... but they really know how to torture folks. So, if you have a one way ticket, proceed with caution, and abandon all hope when you get off of that highway.

1. The First Circle of Hell - Helheim (Norse) Now, if one religion was in charge down here, it should have been managed by the same folks that brought you Ikea. Heilheim has quite a bit of landscape, but it isn't much different than a primitive version of earth that contains Nordic mythological beasts, that also happens to be overcast all of the time. The virtuous "pagans" who either did not die with honor or simply didn't rise to the full potential of being "worthy" to go to Valhalla end up here. This is the most wonderful part of the Underworld due to the views, and actually only the cowardly have it really bad, as they take the form of decomposing corpses. Everyone else has fully functioning bodies. This place is run by a Norse Goddess known as Hel, who I didn't spend much time getting to know. If I could have stayed longer, I would have, because there was something I wanted to witness. Every once in a while, something happens here where an unworthy soul somehow becomes worthy. The Christians have a name for this place too. They call it Limbo.

2. The Second Circle of Hell = The Bardo - (Tibetan Buddhism) Alright, if you thought that Helheim was a revolving door, this place is pretty much the same. For those who were particularly hedonistic in life spend 49 days in a shanty town that is constantly battered by the wind. The dead here are given temporary bodies, with fully functional reproductive organs and if they "keep their virtue" they can go to Nirvana. This is brought to their attention on day one, and if they fail in this regard, they reincarnate on their 49th day. So if you can have fun without going overboard, you get a free pass to paradise. Seems like a pretty sweet deal.

3. The Third Circle of Hell - Samsara - (Hinduism) Karma is a bitch, and if you get enough of the bad stuff, you end up here. Souls who go here get a temporary body with a fully working digestive system! Unfortunately for them, this place appears as a third world country that is pretty much on the brink of disaster at all times. Those who were Hindus in life end up here if their Bad Karma outweighs the good. Now, there is one swanky building in this hovel of a town, and that is the Hotel California. I didn't check into a room, but I went into the lobby of this so called landmark, just to experience it. It is the most luxurious hotel I've ever seen, with a five star restaurant where the meals are complimentary. I would highly recommend it even though there were a few red flags, obviously. I won't go into detail, I can say the Eagles were pretty dead on with their description, except for the part where a minor god of a dying religion worked out a deal with the higher ups to build this place to "collect" the gluttonous, where he cycles through them until they become his nourishment. Outside of the hotel is an endless broken village, ridden with crime and materialism, and there are many "pirates" who thrive at the expense of others. Those guys have a harsh lifestyle, but they do pretty well for themselves when they stay at the top.

4. The Forth Circle of Hell - Sheol (Judaism) Sheol is pretty much a massive metropolis that resembles New York City, except without beaches. The place is jam packed with Skyscrapers as far as the eye can see, and not one sign of a Suburb. I didn't want to stick around here because it was very polluted with noise and grime. Everyone here was miserable although they did not experience any physical pain, and they were constantly focused on working. They seemed to receive pleasure from success. I'm pretty sure those who had been greedy in life go here, to spend their days earning capital that they will never spend or enjoy. I don't think they even took lunchbreaks down there, and I'm pretty sure I saw a law office of fill in the blank on every block. I asked one poor schmuck what he did for fun, and he said "Jury Duty." Holy Shit.

5. The Fifth Circle of Hell - Hades (Greek) Everyone's school bully is down here... so basically everyone who thrashed bozos without a good cause end up under the care of a Megalomaniac. Rumor is that this place is within the mind of an old god, who has grown more mad as time passes. If his sanity crumbles, so will it. Hades is a pretty specific place to end up. For example, let's say you're a bad hombre in general. After you croak, if you murdered somebody in life, you go to Valhalla if it was honorable, and Helheim or Tir nAill if it was not, and mass murderers end up in the ninth circle (more on that later). If you abused someone physically without killing, however, this is the special part of hell you end up in, to basically wonder around as a shambling piece of worm food... or dog food, if it is Cerberus?

6. The Sixth Circle of Hell - The Torment of Conflagration (Islam) Don't go here unless you are resistant to fire. I don't care if you can heal quickly... it AIN'T worth it. Idolaters and those who bear false witness end up here, which is pretty tricky, depending on who you ask. Who defines idolatry? Well, actually, it is the worship of a false god. So if it is a true god, Guess what? You're clear. I'm sure that makes a lot of sense. Well, I promised a description for each ring, didn't I? Okay. A mass grave with open slots being consistently ravaged by wave after wave of fire tornadoes. So not a vacation spot. Moving on.

7. The Seventh Circle of Hell - Tir nAill (Gaelic) This one is particularly hard to describe. Imagine three rings within a circle? So the Seventh circle has three rings.

The First Ring (Outer) Just fire and blood. Those who murdered in vengeance suffer here. They remain here for the entire projected lifespan of the one(s) they had murdered, and then are permitted to move to the second ring.

The Second Ring (Inner) An endless desert, where murderers go. If they are forgiven by their victim, they are released. If not, they will wonder the desert until they are lucky enough to find the innermost ring. (If you consider being slowly erased from existence lucky)

The Third Ring (Internal) This is the defacto home of those who committed suicide for a selfish reason (unlike Helheim, where "suicides to end suffering" souls go). The only oasis within the endless desert, this is a swampy area on which fae folk feed upon the souls of the damned. Once again, if the murderous souls are forgiven by their victim, they are released, even if that victim was themself. Those who wait too long are consumed by not only the plant life, but all manners of fae beasts that roam the swamp in search of easy prey. There is a caretaker here that is from the outside has been unofficially called the "Grand Mortician". This is a neutral individual who has the ability to move within the nine circles to maintain order within the classification of the dead. It's a job. No interview, no frills... So, to qualify, an immortal in charge of this circle must have lived long enough to understand the scope of life and death to do well. Here's the kicker: If a former mortal manages to get the upper hand on the Grand Mortician succeeds, they gain immortality by taking the job, even if they are "killed" in the line of duty. The Grand Mortician is considered to be one of the more important cogs within the Hell machine. And I suppose as long as immortals are around the burden will be shared by all at one time or another. (After all, it is not done by anyone more than once). I decided i'd take my turn on the wheel after I made sure my family would be able to carry on without for me for an eon or so, so not today.

8. The Eighth Circle of Hell - Purgatory/Hell (Christianity) If you were expecting a lake of fire, well... they have one. But it has fountains. This place is the worst. Well, not THE WORST, but my dear reader, what could possibly be worse than being burned alive for all of eternity? Having to take endless phone calls within a cubicle, and then filling out paperwork, with all of the mortal hangups you had in life. If you were a liar or a con man in life, this is where you go. Most of the folks here are mentally instable, but unlike Sheol, at least they know how to goof off. They work for free, but the management is somewhat lax at certain times, so once a mortal has figured out the time schedule, it isn't the worst form of punishment. Then again, we are talking about the office where they tackle the task of sorting the damned, so they have to take wins where they can with short weekends and holidays. On my quick visit here, I pretty much kept my head down, looked busy, and moved on to the final ring.

9. The Ninth Circle of Hell - The Chinvat Bridge (Zoroastrianism) Working in this part of hell is actually a punishment for demons. Once a mortal soul enters the gate, there is a mile long ramp to traverse, because there isn't anywhere else to go. At the end of the ramp, there is a massive stone bridge known as the "Bridge of Separation." To end up here, one must have been particularly wicked. I'm talking mass murderers, serial killers, anyone who committed a form of genocide, you can pretty much gather what happens to them here. If a mortal gets dragged across the other eight circles of hell, all that is left of them is a soul. The bridge is inhabited by a demon called "Mithra", who snatches a soul up and stares at them for a while, saying nothing. The whole damn thing is a farce. Because the bastard will act like the soul might be redeemable, give them a few hours of pure bliss, and then they are cast off the bridge into a frozen wasteland to be tortured by an old hag called "The Crone" for who knows how long. They say if a mortal can make it across the expanse of the bridge, they will spend eternity in paradise with the god called Ahura Mazda, who of course I didn't get to meet. So I have to end this guide on a particularly dull note, as there was nobody around when I got there.

So there you have it. I managed to map out the majority of hell, which lines up with Dante's version pretty well. Are there other versions of "the bad place" out there? Absolutely, because all it takes is belief for it to manifest. Some folks just pop into nothingness, opting to cease existence, which I think is pretty dumb, because that means there isn't much point to living if your story ends there. Overall I'd say that it is possible for someone to escape hell if they know the rules, but I'm never going to claim to have all of the answers.

[Darkrift (Homunculus)]

Additional Notes

I may have glossed over the entities who run the show in my last entry. I will take a moment to give a little background here, to give the idea on how Hell functions.

1. Helheim (aka Limbo)

Hel - ruler of Helheim. She is the youngest of three siblings, the other two brothers manifest as massive beasts (Fenrir and the Leviathan). I met her briefly upon my arrival in the Underworld. Nice enough, but it seems like she lacked confidence, as she was struggling to keep control of the constant influx of dead. Helheim is a storage bin for the unworthy dead. Though it is true that higher-ups sort through all of the souls and can sometimes get a bit grabby, she has the ear of the Grand Mortician to ensure that the process is done with a decorum of fairness. All in all, Helheim is not the worst place to get stuck at, as it is a bit like Norway, without sunshine.

2. The Bardo

So, I didn't really stick around in this realm, because it is more of a state of being than a place, so it really doesn't have a specific custodian, unless you count Asmodeus (a self proclaimed king of the nine hells), who checked out a long while back to explore new forms of pleasure. A mortal soul experiences several transitions through a number of phases within a very short period of time (including life, death, and rebirth cycles). Because of the nature of this place, only the particularly vile hedonists (I'm looking at you Caligula) end up relocating to a different circle of hell. The rest either head back up to their mortal plane of origin with a new identity, or manage to reach some sort of paradise if they can break old habits. I have to be honest, I'm not really sure on how they arrived at 49 days as the waiting period, though.

3. Samsara (aka Naraka)

This is not a particularly fun place to hang out in, but I've mentioned that before. Although this must have been the real estate deal of the millennia, I have to admit Hotel California is a nightmare. I mean, at first, it seems fantastic, like heaven, even. It contains everything a Vegas Hotel could offer, without any monetary system to muck things up. Well. The typical experience is when someone arrives in the lobby, the choice to leave the hotel for an existence of poverty is made obvious by the concierge. Guests may check in if they wish. What folks don't know is the price is paid once the registry is signed. A guy who was allergic to shellfish in life can order thirteen of the best shrimp cocktails ever made, but in less than a decade later, there won't be much of his essence left to pick up a phone and order room service. True, the torture here is more spiritual than physical, but I have to say in some ways that is worse. The God of Death has a name, and here he is simply known as Yama, but the old demons know him as Belphegor. Yeah, he's the "old god" who decided that if he had to run a torture palace for the gluttonous, it should evoke the comfort and false sense of security to dupe the poor souls that end up there. This was so he could feed off the souls in the fanciest of digs and without a lot of fuss. Yama runs the Hotel California ruthlessly these days, sort of like a vampiric mobster with an accent nobody can quite place. I managed to have a drink with him (which was subpar), but when I started asking questions, he had his goons throw me out into the street for trespassing. Oh, and to boot, anyone who calls his office gets told that he is booked for a solid three decades. So, he's an asshole, but it is hell... so I have to admit that what he pulled off sort of makes him a genius.

4. Sheol (aka Gehenna)

To think this used to be an underground cavern with a grand old house built within. A few thousand years ago, there was this big ol' demon named Mammon, who manifested as a plantation owner most of the time, and the way he ran Gehenna (as it was called) was pretty simple. A soul would enter, get an week or so to understand the lay of the land, and then they would begin to work themselves into a bloody pulp, trying to keep the grounds clean. Anyone who slacked off would just be plucked like a flower and gobbled up by that bastard. Mammon's way of doing things was sort of archaic, and he was not particularly forgiving of minor infractions especially if he was hungry. Well, the demons who worked for him sort of got tired of it all, so a revolt happened, and long story short Mammon isn't around anymore, and Gehenna became Sheol. The end result? The construction of Sheol was massive. Yes, the sky is pitch black, and the lights never turn off, but that small group of mid management demons set up shop like a little cabal of investment managers, and became kings of the circle. They actually managed to take out an elder demon and use his resources to build their own version of hell. Now, they call themselves "The Council", and they spitball treacherous ideas off each other in the highest skyscraper ever to exist, a six-hundred sixty-six story monstrosity called "The Solomon Center of Commerce", which has Baphomet's imagery all over it, so it sort of makes sense?

5. Hades (aka Sathanas)

I really shouldn't be too hard on the old man, but he sort of asks for it. Just think about it. Really ancient Greece. Zeus overthrows a bunch of titans and giants, starts handing out powers and domains to the family, and he sticks his least favorite brother with the task of rounding up a bunch of rowdy dumbasses to torture for eternity within a stinky pit of garbage. And then, Zeus has the nerve to build a gorgeous palace that is off limits to the underworld? Well, as time kept on going, Hades lost the zeal of spit roasting a bunch of hotheaded fools that couldn't keep their tempers in check, so he turned the lot of them into weakened zombies and went into retirement, basically. Imagine a mortal dying of a heart attack induced by road rage, only to become a mindless drooling corpse with no memory of what they were mad about to begin with. Pretty lousy. I probably spent a little too much time here, but I found it hard to look away. I knew Hades was starting to unravel, but damn, this was just lazy. So yeah, Hades is a place within the mind of a decrepit old has-been with trust issues, and there is no telling how long it will continue to exist at least if it continues as is. But I guess it's different strokes for different folks, as I always tell my dwarven pals down in Nidavellir.

6. The Torment of Conflagration

I tried to communicate with ol' Beelzebub, but trying to conversate is sort of impossible when your face is the target of a giant butane hellfire torch in the sky. The Pale would thrive here. The Lord of the Flies doesn't really have much to say, it turns out. He sort of hangs out here by himself, eating shit and fear for breakfast. I didn't stick around, so with that, on to the next entry.

7. Tir nAill

So, a bit of a misnomer here. Outside of the seventh circle, there is this entity called the "Grand Mortician", which isn't a specific demon, actually. It's a job title that has a particular set of rules associated with it. If one can be classified as immortal, they can take the mantle, but there are only two ways to lose this position. If a mortal is able to defeat them in a fair fight, they lose their immortality to that mortal, or if the Grand Mortician offers the role to another immortal who accepts, or is "killed" by another immortal, they become "the one". Sounds similar to that movie Highlander? Yeah, because I'm pretty sure the idea was based off of this. Ok, so I did get to know the proprietor over time, and I could write about what they do, but they have a good number of things to keep up with in the other circles. To be brief, I'll give you an idea.

1. Helheim - helps with organization of the new arrivals, coordinates with Hel.
2. Bardo - enforces the 49 day rule, but in practice, this is often skipped.
3. Samsara - works as an auditor for the Hotel California, confirming that contracts are being fulfilled.
4. Sheol - attends a number of meetings with the council, to oversee the expansion of hell.
5. Hades - checks in with Hades every few years to monitor overall realm stability.
6. Conflagration - confirms records (Book of the Dead) to guarantee everyone who is sent there belongs there.
7. Tir'NAill - Custodian of wrongful murderers and selfish suicides.
8. Purgatory - Advises management as a chancellor, in a way, acts as a CEO.
9. Chinvat - Personally signs off on sending folks like Hitler to the red hot anus-stretching spears wielded by the Crone. The Crone invites the Grand Mortician over for tea within her hovel about once every year. I'm told it is unwise to eat anything in her house, but the tea is pretty good despite the fact that it is made from nightshade.

8. Purgatory

So, an office building. What fun! Admittedly, I was not expecting this. Supposedly, there is a nightclub (called Lux) right next door to the office that successful mortals can go on vacation to, if they do above and beyond their job here. Rewards in hell? I did not see that coming. Turns out Lucifer himself hangs out there most of the time, and he is an absolute pleasure to be around, surprisingly. I understand why con-men, scammers, identity thieves, and liars end up here, though. Its all part of a game. I had several drinks with Old Scratch, and I have to admit, he just doesn't care what happens outside of this circle. Sure, he'll look into things from time to time if something goes terribly wrong, but it looks like he delegated a lot of tasks to his lieutenants. I suppose just being the father of lies is enough, as it looks like he has stopped focusing on a "war on heaven" at least for now. I would have stuck around a lot longer, but it turns out he sort of feels a bit hurt about me leaving his realms to seek out my own destiny. Go figure. I should have known he'd hold a grudge. So I just left.

9. Chinvat (The Bridge of Separation)

Listen, the great demon Mithra is very conversational. Like, he will talk your head off. Its really unnerving too, seeing a gigantic teleporting demon troll snatch a damned mortal and then inject them with a venom laced bite seconds later. He would then study them, coo at them like a baby, and then sometimes take a huge bite of their torso mid-conversation. By the time they get to a state of pure bliss, injected with his pain numbing venom and dopamine, that's when the Crone would take over to put hot pokers in their eye sockets as the stuff wore off. Anyway! Focusing on Mithra, though, I'm pretty sure this guy was a mortal who sort of moved up... Doctor Faustus, I presume? The longer an immortal being hangs around, the more curious he becomes of the outside world. He sure asks a lot of questions, and I found it difficult to leave this realm when he was talking. As for his counterpart, the Crone... she is a crazy old broad who could pass for Baba Yaga. Actually, I sometimes think that it might actually be Baba Yaga. Anyway, she is not as conversational, and seems to get a lot of satisfaction brutally torturing the worst dregs humanity has to offer. She seems almost giddy when she is at work, which is more disturbing than you'd think.