Of our Own Device (Samsara, the Third Circle)

[Bor'Nerty]

Bor'Nerty opened one eye.  He glanced around quickly, and quietly counted to himself as he glanced at Aly, Gel, and Z'ress.  "two....  and three. All accounted for.  Okay, okay.  Great, we all made it just fine.  Now... question is... where did I send us specifically...?"  He mumbled to himself.  "Everybody take a moment to adjust.  Having your soul removed temporarily can cause dizziness and other side effects."

They were in a lavishly decorated second floor master bedroom of what appeared to be a huge mansion.  The room was immaculate and large.  The infernal goblin could tell they were in the upstairs area because of a muffled, but loud dinner party taking place below them.

"Shit.  Of all the fucking places, I really fouled up.  I'm sorry... we are not exactly where I anticipated." he paused.  "Sorry, sorry, everybody.  This is just a detour of our little trip, nothing to get too worked up about."   They happened to be within the belly of the beast.  This was the Grand Palace of the demon prince known as Belphegor, and they had just showed up (uninvited) during dinner.  "Heh heh, No worries, folks.  I can telep-"  Nothing happened, and his air of confidence waivered.  "I can teleport for help... Ok... so... I ... .. I can't teleport right now...  Um."  He squinted his eyes.  Bor'Nerty couldn't even teleport across the room.

"Well, damn.  I guess we will have to sneak out of here the old fashioned way."

Belphegor's loud, booming voice could be heard downstairs, louder than everyone's.  He was speaking in Sanskrit, and each word he spoke would cause goosebumps, even for the soulless. Prince Belphegor was also known as "Yama", the God of Death.  Anyone who called him by his actual name would really have to have a good reason to.

"We're in old Yama's place, all right.  Damn.  He's the self appointed king here, but he is pretty much just nothing more than a mob boss who feeds on gluttonous souls.  Thankfully, it looks like he is preoccupied with giving a toast.  So, at least he's distracted."  Bor'Nerty cracked the door, and a behemoth demon guard passed by in the hallway, its footsteps rattled the decor.  "SHEEYIT!!....Maybe not that way!" he whispered loudly.  The creature had just heard him, and it whirled around in the hallway, knocking over an oil painting of what looked like Lilith Morningstar, daughter of Lucifer. "He might not destroy us outright, but if he catches us in his bedroom it might not go over too well."

Bor'Nerty already knew the window to the outside had been sealed shut with a visible demonic rune.  The timing would have to be perfect for them to sneak by the behemoth.  Then he suddenly remembered.  "Oh, yeah.  Completely forgot we have tools for such things.  Anybody... want to give me a hand here?"

 

[Gel'hara Ironvein]

Every hair and fiber on Gel's body was puffed out and straight. Her eyes wide, and a less than thrilled looked upon her hybrid face. She swallowed a little shook herself a little bit until her hair settled down and she no longer looked liked she been full body feather ruffled. she'd smooth down her hair on her head and face and glare at the goblin. He'd failed to emphasis on just how 'strange' the transitition would be. She Watched as the goblin got nervous when his powers did not appear to work. 

She was about to volunteer to sneak around and do a little recon as he made excuses, but then the foolish creature opened the door. Now they had little options. Could anyone break a demon sygdil on the window. She'd pause only long enough to grasp at the broach at which held her cloak upon her body. She'd grip it, and in her grip it'd glow a soft blue, and with a quick swirl of her cloak she was suddenly gone. Giving them only a small advantage.

She'd move out of the demons path, avoiding the rest of her party positioning herself in a more strategic position. She figured at best she'd be able to clip the demons heels, and take him down to their level at best. At worst she got at least one, before the brooches spell wore off. 

Her magic cloak adding to the catwoman's secrets.

[Bor'Nerty]

The large creature fumbled in the hall, trying to place the painting it knocked over with large claws.  Bor'Nerty squinted as Gel slipped past him, only to look back at the others and place a single, grubby finger to his lips.

"Sh." he whispered to Z'ress and Aly.  "Check for hidden passages or something!  I think I can deal with the lunkhead, but only if he focuses on me."

He slipped behind the door and quickly shut it behind him with a slight 'click'.  The large horned behemoth had just straightened the painting, suddenly whirled around and narrowed its six eyes upon the infernal imp.  Whatever small amount of intelligence the beast had seemed to be on full bore as it studied the goblin.

"OFF LIMIT!"  the creature spoke, spitting out green drool and spit as it approached.  Its heavy footfalls shook the various knickknacks and glass decorations that adorned the halls. Its tail smacked into a delicate table with an expensive vase that was once owned by Caligula. The goblin would rush over and keep it from falling.

"Watch it, you imbecile!  Yama will skin us both!!!" he shouted, as Gel managed to slip around and step over its massive tail.  The goblin improvised.  "Say, big fella... which way is the purging room?  I've gotta ... well... you know..."

The beast contemplated Bor'Nerty's words, and seemingly dropped its guard after hearing its master's name.  "DOWN HALL SECOND DOOR LEFT." it roared with barely any enunciation.  The goblin had managed to bluff his way into the dinner party, and this could give the others enough time to find a clever way out.  It hadn't thought of asking him for identification just yet.

"Ha ha oh silly me, I got turned around.  Mother always said I had the worst sense of direction out of the brood."  he winked, and at about that time, a tiny bell tinkled in another guest room with an open door.  There, Gel stood posed with her blades, ready to hamstring the hulking creature if it got too close.  However, at the very moment Behemoth heard the bell, it suddenly had somewhere else to patrol.  The hairy, scaled beast glanced into the dark room with all six eyes wide with fear as it backed towards the stairwell leading down.

Bor'Nerty was visibly wincing.  He motioned for Gel frantically, whisper shouting after the creature had lumbered down the stairs.  "What the "here" are you doing?  We gotta get the fuck outta Dodge before that moron says anything to Yama!  Put those things away before anybody notices!" He stared at the cat lady and smirked.  He had to admit that was incredibly ballsy to want to incapacitate an enforcer demon, but he wouldn't admit it openly.  It only made him even more enamored.  Skill and bravado were qualities he deeply admired in a woman.  He also didn't mind the shape of her hind quarters- ~at all~

As the infernal goblin shook the feeling off, another idea formed.  It might have been a bad idea, but it would at least be wickedly entertaining.  "So uh, hey Gel......Wanna crash a party as my "plus one"?  We can probably boost some invitations from the guests downstairs if you're feelin' squirrelly...  I'll call it ... the Exclusive Deluxe Tour'd Nerty or whatever... er.... I'll workshop that, anyway!"







 

 

[Bor'Nerty]

The Demon Prince smiled, flashing several rows of sharp teeth.  He was dressed in a three piece suit, and looked like a crazed carnival barker at his retirement party.  Prince Belphegor (Yama) was grinning like an idiot because he was having a marvelous time.  He was hosting around one hundred engorged Americans from Wisconsin who had succumbed to fatal food poisonings at the Semi-Annual Cheddar Cheese Convention, which had been in it's tenth year.  Everyone was enjoying a multiple course meal that consisted of an unending Ham and Cheese Platter, Shellfish, Biscuits and Gravy, McRib or Cheesesteak Sandwiches, Poutine, Chicago Deep Dish Pizza with stuffed crust, Steaks, and a choice between Churros or Bacon and Maple Syryp Ice Cream Floats.  He was not a big believer in vegetables that weren't pickled.  The evening had been filled with a disgusting visage, as forty three of the most ravenous individuals to have ever walked the planet gorged themselves beyond what any mortal could dream.  They had all become very obese in a very short period of time.

They were pigs to the slaughter, and the Prince not only loved this part, he existed for it.  "Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to propose a toast to you all!  Today has been marked as a very special day for the members of the 44th Division of the United Cheesemakers Guild.  I would like to offer you condolences for your loss, but there is very good news for you all.  You.  All of you, who have hit the jackpot, have arrived!  Welcome to heaven!"  the mic had loud feedback as it was only a small kareoke speaker set in a cavernous room.

A skinny imp appeared in the hallway of the Grand Dining Hall. "Yama."

 Yama's eyes flared crimson red.  He really hated being interrupted right before the best part. "Ever-  Uh. Yes, just a moment!  Will you-...  Gah!"

The imp pointed to a tiny calendar he had tucked within his vest. "The Grand Hall is booked for this timeslot, and there's not much time to set things up. We really need to wrap this up...  the next event is for one of your premium clients."  

"Fine, just a moment, you little sh.....  shcamp!", he shouted with a rasp.  Yama resumed his speech, of which he was performing with a terrible British accent. "Ah yes, yes.  Everything is complementary and unlimited, my fellow conventioneers!  You have been selected to dine free this evening, courtesy of Baron Roche von Bigod the third, who died in the year of our lord, 1762.  Huzzah for him, now, eat your to heart's content! You've earned this!"  he stared at the small imp with impudence as he covered his mic.

The mic squelched as he addressed the small creature.  He put the microphone on the table with a thump and whispered with a rasp.  "What in the flying fuck do you want?  You know better than to interrupt me now!"

"You're actually over by an hour over, sir."  The Imp appeared to be used to this, as timekeeping was a human invention, it had only been adapted by Yama's household in the last century.  He had to have a system to measure his progress, mainly to see how well he stacked up to other Demon Princes.  Still, he had not quite adapted to the concept.

"May I ask you something, Peckerpuss?"  Yama's eyes were narrowed.  "Has this client you spoken of checked in?"

"Well, no...  but..."

"Ahhh tut tut tut!!!! In the company bylaws, what is Rule 76 about booking with YamaCo?"

"Check in one and half hour early before arrival.  Rule 76. Amended.  - Cancellations must be within 24 hours before or after scheduled event for a full refund."

"Correct, you slimy git."  he squinted. "So, I gotta know, You are trying to interrupt my meal... for what exactly?"

The imp's eyes were as big as saucers as he quickly yammered on.  Yama had grasped him casually by the throat. "Well, we are short staffed, and we need some time to prepare in case the client calls in!"

Yama squeezed so hard the imp's eyes bulged as Yama quietly and angrily mumbled. "Shut it, you little snot, or I'll have you made into a puree to mix with the deviled eggs.  These piggy fucks would love it!" 

The sounds coming from the table were getting loud and slovenly. Peckerpuss had broken a sweat.  He was only following his master's orders: to convince Yama to stick to the schedule regardless of what he did or said he would do to him.  Yama, ironically was the same individual who had given him those very orders, and it had not been that long ago.

He squeaked after being squeezed, his eyes were huge.

"Yieeeyeee!Yes! I'm sure, sir.  I'd just be Delectable. Just remember I am your humble servant, and will continue to be so regardless.  I have strict orders from you to do my solemn duty.  Those duties happen to conflict with the bylaws, but I consider your direct order would override said ruling, am I correct?"

Yama smiled wickedly, as he pondered whether he would crush the creature's skull with his massive thumb for fun.  But Peckerpuss had a point.  Yama's smile had become large and vicious.  His expression changed instantly. He closed his eyes and shrugged.

"Kay.  Whatever.  I'll need one more hour.  I need these bastards to fill up the room before the soul harvest."

"As you say sir."  The imp's expression had remained dull, even with bulging eyes.  "There is another thing.  You have a visitor from the outside."

"Oh, wonderful!  I do love company.  Whoever could it be?"

The imp didn't even blink.  "It is Lord Bor'Nerty and Lady Gel'hara Ironvein of Ched Nasad. I don't know the Tabaxi, but Nerty's accredited. Top notch. Bor'Nerty was the record breaking soul collector from the last millennia.  He's been inactive for a bit, taking an earned holiday leave to pursue other ventures, but he says he wants to hang out here.  It's your call, but I suppose he should be dismissed sooner rather than later."

"Yeah, I remember him.  Short and Pink pain in the ass with a theatrical flair.  Goodtime Charley of Larceny.  Credit to his cause. Can't be trusted with pets, even.  Good people. Send him over, that's fine."

The imp felt a lump in his gut like Yama would quickly contradict himself again on this whim.  "I'll write this down, sir.  Keeping a record for efficiency."

"Efficency.  Yes.  Good idea."  

The hall doors opened, and there stood an infernal goblin and a cat woman.  Many of the overstuffed, glutenous humans ignored them as they passed through the room, heading for the raised platform stage that held Yama's table.